the dress...

hk: “what took you so long to turn around after i tapped you on your shoulder?”
me: “i had to catch my breath.”

sitting

waiting
staring at my brother
bored
wishing i had brought a deck of cards
then all of a sudden

“she’s ready!”
“where’s jess?”
“she wants you at the bar, drinking a beer.”

“thank god – i at least get to have a beer.”
i ordered the first beer i saw behind the bar
“sam adams boston lager please.”
“is this where i need to be?”
“right here?”
“is this good?”
standing with my back to the end of the bar,
looking up at some random basketball game on the tv.
i had to stop myself from downing my beer in one big gulp.

it gets quiet behind me.
my heart starts pounding.
i hear shuffling of feet.
my palms are sweaty.
it gets quiet behind me again.

my hands are shaking.
don’t drop the beer.
just wait,
she’ll come to you.

i can’t breathe.
don’t pass out .
just wait,
she’ll come to you.

my legs are wobbly.
don’t fall.
just wait,
she’ll come to you.

just wait,
she’ll come to you.

tap
tap
tap
on my shoulder.

quiet.

i close my eyes.
breathe in slowly.
breathe out slowly.
open my eyes.
breathe in slowly.
breathe out slowly.

set the beer on the bar.
don’t drop it.

talk my feet into working to turn around.
don’t fall.

one last breath in.
one last breath out.

i see my bride in her dress for the first time.
i think i might have blacked out for a quick second.

“can i touch you?”
that’s really all i remember saying.
i was overwhelmed with emotion.
words were there
in my brain,
swirling around,
bumping into each other.
but i couldn’t make sense of any of them.
all those people around us but
in this moment
hk and i were the only people on earth.

i’ve never stood so close
to so much beauty.
is this real life?
is this my wife?
i’d built this moment up in my head
and in my heart
and then,

i just waited
and she came to me.
in her magic dress…