sleepy time

i've been told that i stop breathing in my sleep...
but
i never thought much about it...
i never noticed anything different in my regular
day to day stuff...
but
these past 6-8 months have been different...
heather tells me i snore
and
that i stop breathing a lot through the night
and
i wake up in the middle of the night
gasping for breath
and
i have almost fallen asleep at my desk
and
sitting at stop lights
and
anywhere else you can imagine...
i am constantly tired...
my memory is crap...
i'm moody...
i'm irritable...
you can ask heather about these last two :)
i've been sick more in these past 6-8 months
than i have been in the past 3 years...
so i went to a sleep clinic dr guy...
had the initial appt last week
and
he pretty much said i have sleep apnea...
kinda figured...
went in saturday for an overnight sleep study...
let me just tell you how weird it is to
drive to lexington at 8:30 on a saturday night
with your pillow and your sleepy time clothes
and
walk into a doctor's office
and
sit next to an old guy in his sweatpants...
lady took me back to what would be my room for the night...

party time

she hooked all this up to me...
some on my legs to see how often i kicked my legs...
a band around my stomach and chest to record my breathing...
a pulse oximeter thingy on my finger to measure the oxygen in my blood...
sensors to the side of my eye to measure my eye movement
and
to show when i've reached rem...
sensors on my chin to show - hell i don't know...
some tube up my nose just to be mean i think...
and crap all over my head...
i wanted to take a picture of it all once it was on
but
i was afraid to move too much...
so she hooked me up to the machines
and
wished me sweet dreams...
and
i fell asleep pretty easily...
i usually do...
she came in once because my ekg thing had come off...
oh yeah -
i had two sensors on my chest for the ekg...
i called her once because i had to piddle...
that was interesting with all that jazz hooked up to me...
and
i tossed
and
i turned
just like any other night...
she came in at 1 am with a cpap mask...
she said
"we're gonna put this mask on you for the rest of the night
and
try to get you some sleep...
because sweet dear, you don't sleep"...
psha
i know...
that's why i'm here...
took a little bit to get used the mask...
and
of course
once she leaves
and
it's dark
and
i'm alone
the fear of dying with this stupid mask
suction cupped to face pops into my head...
pushed that away
and
the next thing i know
she's coming in to wake me up...
what time is it?
6 am
what time did you put the mask on me?
1 am
i don't think i woke up once in between
nope, you sure didn't...
so there it is...
i have sleep apnea...
i will be sleeping with a cpap mask...
BUT
it's my enormous tonsils that are causing the issue...
and my weight...
they are conspiring against me...
AND
here's the good thing...
according to what i have read and understood
fat people get sleep apnea...
sleep apnea causes you to gain weight
and
it's hard to lose weight...
catch 22...
so once i get this mask
i'll be getting good sleep...
i'll continue to lose weight...
my energy will be back up...
i'll continue to lose weight...
i won't be sick every other week...
i'll continue to lose weight
i'll start running again because i'll have energy...
i'll continue to lose more weight...
i'll get my tonsils out...
i'll get rid of that machine...
and i'll be as awesome as i ever was...
that's the plan anyway...

Sweet Dreams zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

week 4 day 1

news and notes from
week 4
day 1

this week's playlist from
kiss my black ass
is all michael jackson
so i finished my run
doing the moonwalk
sorry about the crotch grab at the end
had to be done...

i saw the dog i named roger
this time in the daylight
still don't know if it's
roger
or
rogerina
big beautiful golden retriever
i'm sticking with roger
roger lives on the corner
doesn't care when i run past one side of his house
but gets really mad at me when i run past the other side
but either roger is really well behaved
or there's an invisible fence
i'm guessing fence

i met frank the pug
from men in black

he doesn't wear the suit at home
he doesn't really speak english either
he just barks at people as they run by

i met one of the hyenas from
the lion king

don't know which one though
or at least a hideous looking dog that looked like them

but in all seriousness
today was a big run for me
i didn't make it this far
the last time i tried couch to 5k
run 3 minutes
walk 1.5 minutes
run 5 minutes
walk 2.5 minutes
run 3 minutes
walk 1.5 minutes
run 5 minutes
this one was tough
the last 5 minute run
was hard
my legs felt like jello
with weights floating in the middle
i was THIS close to quitting
but
i didn't
i finished
and i'm not afraid to say
that i've never been more proud of myself
these runs may not seem like much
but for someone who has been a smoker for half of their life
hey - it's been 225 days since my last cigarette
YAY ME!!!
and is overweight
and is was lazy
this is a big deal
and i feel amazing!!!

blonde lady

thanks to the
ahem
"blonde" lady that was checking her mail
right at the very end of my run
when i thought i was going to burst into flames
"it's too hot out here for that"
i responded with a quick
"yeah"
meaning
shut up lady
but then she finished it up with
"but good for you...  keep it up"
finished the end of my run
with a little more pep in my step

thanks lady...

3 things

**** F BOMB WARNING****

my run schedule has been all
jacked up lately
i have recently won the battle
with pink eye and some
sort of sinus infection
so i started week 3 tonight
this is the run
the one that got me last time around
the one that broke me down
that beat me
that won
but tonight
there were three things that i kept in my head
that kept me going
that helped me run
that helped me win

eminem's lose yourself
mom
dad

"this world's mine for the taking"

friday it will be 10 years since
my mom died

"success is my only motherfucking option, failure's not"

sunday it will be 1 year since
my dad died

"feet fail me not"

i miss them so much
i hope that i am the best part of them
my parents
not eminem
but thinking about them
and hoping that they are proud of me
keeps me going...

look how stinking cute

i am that idiot

having a hard time finding making time to write
i have to get better about that

remember those friday nights
in the dead of summer
98 degrees
132% humidity
africa hot
driving down the road
in your air conditioned car
from your air conditioned house
to the air conditioned bar
to get a nice cold beer in an icy mug
and you'd see someone running
and you'd say
outloud
f*$%#&g idiot???
i remember

i am that idiot

heather's sisters and kids were in town this past weekend
(that's a whole other story for big rhonda's world )
i was scheduled to run saturday morning
there was no way i was going to be going to bed
early on a friday night
while the sisters and kids were in town
so i could get up and run early in the am
so i got home from work
did a quick turn around
and ran
and man was it hot
but man was it awesome
the thing that you don't know when you are driving down the road
is that idiot doesn't HAVE to be out there
they have chosen to be out there
which may make them an even bigger idiot in your eyes
but
the heat
the swamp ass
the sweat dripping in your eyes
the feeling that you could throw up
it's all worth it
when you think the heat is winning
that you just don't have it in you
when you put your head down and
JUST GO
then all of a sudden
you are done
you did it
and then
you can walk back into your air conditioned house...

i am that idiot
i've been called worse...

doctors and facebook

let me start this whole thing with this
i know on my other blog
yes
that's right
i'm a franchise
big rhonda's world
i said i was staying away from facebook
but
hk suggested that i at least
post links to this blog
she thought i might inspire someone
i don't know about all that
but really
it's for my own selfish reasons
because who doesn't love
hearing people say
good job
proud of you
keep up the good work
you can do it
just a few little words of encouragement can
help you power through the last minute of a difficult run
or make it alllllll the way to the top of that hill
plus
i like hearing other people's stories
so
i'll still be posting links to this here blog...

now that that is out of the way
went to the dr yesterday
she poked
and prodded
and pulled
and pushed
and twisted
does this hurt
does it hurt when i do this
      umm yeah a little
      you did just put my foot behind my head
but
she thinks that i just pulled something
she gave me some knee strengthening exercises
and said
RUN
she didn't really scream it
but in my head
it was RUN!!!
so my alarm went off at 5am this morning
and i
RAN!!!
i started over with the couch to 5k program
my knee feels great
i feel great
i am so excited to be back out there
and running

been eating healthy
been more active
been drinking less
no smoking since 01/01/12
now i can run

what else could a girl ask for
i am on top of the world right now!!!

broken

i've tried to keep this blog positive
which is why i haven't written in a while
and which is why this is going to be
short
and
to the point

friday morning
i jacked up my knee
it hurts
can't run
have an appointment
but it's not until
july
not happy
actually
pretty bummed about it
sometimes pissed
not running