night before surgery

i don't want to poop anymore...

game plan

here's the long version:

surgery is scheduled for

thursday at 11...

but prep started tonight...

johnny, hk and i

hit golden corral...

and i mean

hit it hard...

for two reasons...

for the past couple days

hk and i have been eating like crap...

and after surgery

it is back on with the 

actual "good for you foods"

so we had to have one last

hoorah...

and here's what i get to eat tomorrow

in preparation for surgery...

water

broth

jello

and magnesium citrate...

yup...

laxative...

i have to do the all important

bowel prep...

but don't worry,

it says on the label that it has

a pleasing lemony flavor...

sha - doubt it...

so,

not really looking forward to tomorrow...

for those of you that really know me,

you know how hateful i will be

tomorrow night after eating

jello all day...

and pooping all day...

i may or not blog tomorrow night...

if i do,

i'm scared

that it might just end up being

a list of expletives...

but things could always be worse

and i'm not really complaining...

honest...

life is good...

and here's the short version:

pre admission testing 

wednesday 8:30am...

report to hospital 

thursday 9:00am...

surgery

thursday 11:00am...

either way i write it:

life is good...

step one

here's what we know...
surgery is scheduled for
thursday april 25th...
open hysterectomy
which means i'm getting the
full cut...
blerg...
full hysterectomy...
lymph node dissection...
take out part of the omentum...
yeah - i don't know what that is either...
getting ready to do
research on that...
take a look around for
wicker furniture...
i'll be in the hospital
until probably saturday...
and then
6-8 week recovery time...
we'll know more about possible
follow up treatments,
chemo and radiation,
after surgery...
he did say that the
numbers were in
my favor...
i knew math and numbers
were my friend :)
and we'll talk about
hormone replacement therapy
after all that...

if you want a little more
detail about my first
meeting with dr elvis -
keep scrolling...
you may or may not
really want to...


so we met with the
nurse practitioner first...
all the regular
medical questions
and junk like that...
she leaves to get
dr elvis...
i take my pants off...
they both come back in...
regular gyno exam...
blah blah blah...
but then...
then he says...
"ok gonna do a quick rectal exam"
and he barely even hit on that
"M"
and
boom goes the dynamite...
no flowers...
no dinner...
no nothing...
i guess the element of surprise
is his closest ally on that one...

so that's step one...

my name is jess and i have cancer

i wrote this sunday night
while enjoying a beer with my dad...

on friday
i sat in an
uncomfortable chair while
a middle aged man said
"you have cancer"...
not cool man...
my heart,
my stomach,
my everything,
it all dropped to my feet...
i have never felt so
alone...
so far away from
everything
and
everyone
i know and love...

i don't think it
really hit me,
i mean
REALLY
hit me until this morning...
getting ready for lunch
with johnny...
and all i kept thinking
was
"i have cancer"
even at it's
simplest level...
even though it was
caught early...
that man still said it...
damnit...

have you ever said
the same word
or phrase
over and over and over
again???
until it sounded
like nonsense???
say water 20 times...
by 19 or 20
it sounds like
a made up word...
nonsense...
i thought if
i kept repeating it,
i have cancer
i have cancer
i have cancer,
that it would
become nonsense...
it would become
made up...
but all it did
was make it
more
real...
standing in the bathroom,
looking myself
square in the eye,
saying it
over and over and over
again...
this is real...

my name is jess
and
i have cancer...

for now...

the 'c' word

no...
not that one...

on friday 3/29
i had surgery to remove a cyst from
one of my ovaries and do
an ablation...
he ended up removing that ovary
and part of my fallopian tubes...
he found some growth on my other ovary
that he pulled for a biopsy and a
polyp that he pulled for a biopsy
as well...
test results yesterday show that
i have a pre-cancerous tumor on
my remaining ovary and the beginnings
of endometrial uterine cancer...
he has referred me to a new doctor...
named elvis :)
hk and i meet him
monday 4/15
to set a game plan
and schedule a hysterectomy...
while he's in there he'll
take a look around to see
if anything else looks weird and see if
we need to biopsy anything else...
my ob/gyn thinks that we caught it
early enough that i should be fine...
might need radiation,
maybe chemo,
but we'll know more later
after meeting elvis...

so that's what's up...
i'll be sure to keep blogging
and keep everyone up to date...

i know i'll be just fine,
i am jess
and i am awesome!!!