push ups

push ups

a haiku

by jesse

push ups are stupid

but i do them anyway

even though they suck

the OTHER f bomb

**********F BOMB WARNING**********

i made this
butternut squash chili
on sunday...
it was the second time i have made it
and it seems like this time was better...
and for those "friends" fans out there
yes
i do call it squaternut bosh
quite a bit...

not my pic...
but mine looks about the same...
i haven't made mine in the crock pot yet...
i slow cook it on the stove top...
don't like onions???
don't put them in...
really like corn???
toss some in there...
i think you can pretty much add
or subtract
any kind of veggie you like
or don't like...
but i do have to warn you -
be careful of how many beans you add...
especially if you are going to the gym the next day...
yes...
i did it...
i farted while doing crunches this morning...
it just kind of happened...
crunches put a lot of strain on your
well
ummmmmm...
luckily there was only one woman in the vicinity
and she had her ipod on...
but
let this be a warning to you:
a) easy on the beans
b) stay away from me at the gym

oranges

when hk and i first got together
and she was trying to get me to be healthier
she asked what kind of fruit i ate...
oranges...
well,
orange slices in my hoegaarden
at the pub...
she asked what else...
wasn't that enough???
she asked about oranges at work for a snack...
nope...
i don't have time for that...
all the peeling and stuff...
but you know what -
i sure had plenty of time to
wrap myself up
and go outside
when it was no degrees
and smoke a cigarette multiple times a day...
so my morning snack is now an orange...
sometimes it's an apple
but usually an orange...

and now my office smells like oranges
and not
old cigarettes...
it's amazing what we have time for when we want to...

it's what i do

i love you

there is no better way to put it

no magical words

that mean more than these three

you have asked me why i love you

and i have no answer for that

i love you because that’s all i know how to do

i wake up in the morning

knowing that i love you

i go through my day

knowing that i love you

i lay my head down at night

knowing that i love you

i may doubt everything else

but never my love for you

never my love for us

and i want you to know

that because of my love

for you

for us

i am finally able to fully love myself

and there are NO words that can express

the way that makes me feel

i love you

ps: this is written in the font “huxtable” 

stress dreams and gut punches

i feel like i've already written about the dream part,
but you'll get it again
and you'll like it...

you know that stress dream
that's always referred to in movies or tv???
the one where you show up to school
or work
naked???
my stress dream is always
that i show up to school,
always westhampton beach high school,
and i can't remember my locker combination...
and i have to go to the office
and get someone to help me...
and it's always the janitor
from my elementary school
in texas that helps me...
i haven't had a locker for anything since
my high school days...
so now that i'm a gym member,
that just sounds weird,
i have a lock that i take with me
so that i can put all my important
belongings in a locker while i'm there...
you know - my phone and gum...
anyway...
there i sit talking with the trainer yesterday
and all i can think of is my lock combination...
O
M
G
my stress dream is going to play itself out in real life...
the first time i've been in this gym
and i'm gonna need the janitor from
my elementary school to cut the lock off...
i just keep repeating the combo in my head...
i'm great with numbers but
i'm so afraid that i'll forget...
and then there's another number in front of me...
43%...
jason,
little trainer boy,
has just measured by body fat...
holy crap on a cracker...
did someone just punch me???
it's bad...
it's real bad...
i knew...
how could i not...
that's why i'm here...
but to see it defined by a number...
in black and white...
while some cute boy looks at me
and says - yeah we gotta fix that...
well...
IT
IS
ON

it must be my new socks...

"necessity is the mother of invention"

i have reinvented myself many times
over my 36 years...
nothing dramatic...
just moving from michigan
to texas
to new york
to cleveland
to morehead
back to cleveland
back to new york
to lexington -
where i've lived
in or around
since i was 19...
holy cow
i've lived here for almost half of my life!!!
anyway
like i said
nothing dramatic...
just the adjustment
to a different culture...
and here i am again...
knocking on that door...
for the past year and a half
i've been straddling that line...
old jess on one side
new jess on the other
teetering back and forth...
but recently i've come to the conclusion
that it's time for me to pick a side...
old or new???
which one do you think i've chosen???
here's some hints:
i ate a salad for lunch
and have a bag full of fruit at work...
i went to a party last night
and didn't drink
and was home and in bed by 9:30...
i am the proud owner of a
brand new gym membership...
i have a meeting with a trainer this
afternoon to help get me on my way...
but the best part of all of this
is that i'm excited about every step of the way...
don't get me wrong -
i love the old jess...
the old jess was easy...
if i could make it through the day
i was rewarded with beers
oh - lots and lots of beers...
and fried stuff with cheese...
and pizza rolls...
and anything else you can possibly think of...
the old jess was fun...
i was ALWAYS down for a night
or day
of drinking and eating all of the above...
work
drink
eat
sleep
lather
rinse
repeat
life is easy when you don't challenge yourself to be
any better than you were when you woke up...
well
i'm done with easy...
i want to be better...
for hk...
for our families...
for all those sweet little loves
that i want to watch grow up...
and actually be a part of it...
but most of all for me...
i've stalled out...
right where i am right now...
but now
now it's on!!!